The Gazelle: A Study In Beverage Consumption

So, I may have mentioned this once or twice, but The Gazelle loves Pepsi. No, I mean...he really, really, loves Pepsi. He feels the same way about Pepsi as I feel about buttered noodles. If Pepsi were as uncool as a mullet, he wouldn't care. He'd still wear his Kentucky waterfall with pride. He'd still drink his Pepsi with reckless abandon.

On several occasions, our house has been visited by a strange ghost-like being who mysteriously comes in and drinks all of the Pepsi. Not just the Pepsi...but the Diet Pepsi, the Diet Pepsi Max, the Diet Dr. Pepper, etc. At first, I didn't really mind. This ghost-like thing was only drinking The Gazelle's Pepsi (he takes it straight...hold the cancer-causing additives). However, in time, my cancer bombs started to disappear. And nobody messes with my Diet Dr. Pepper man.

I have only come to the "carbonated-beverage-drinking-ghost-like entity" conclusion because my dear, sweet, loving, special (very) boyfriend, The Gazelle, who never exaggerates, or fibs, or (heaven help me) LIES about anything, swears that there is no possible way that he consumes every last carbonated beverage in our house on a regular basis.

In order to prove that this "carbonated-beverage-drinking-ghost-like entity" phenomenon exists, it must be documented. And although the mysterious, Pepsi-stealing ghost-like being theory is entirely believable, I have a hunch that it's The Gazelle himself who is polishing off all of his (and my) Pepsi. kidding?

And thus, we have "The Beverage Cam"

Tonight, I purchased four (4) 12-packs of Pepsi products. I got an incredible bargain on these 12-packs, because I am a cheap biotch frugal fannie...but that is another story for another day. This equals 48 cans of cheap, carbonated goodness. As of this very moment, one (1) can has been consumed (you guessed The Gazelle), as documented by this evidence:


Please...ignore the fact that there are 2 brand new, delicious, lovely packages of refrigerated cookie dough next to the 1/4 full bottle of cheap wine, next to the 3 tubs of vanilla, chocolate, & cream cheese frosting.

Look man. It's Christmas. And there's some spinach in there. Hiding in the back. And it's probably frozen because my fridge is turned up too high. But I might eat it.


Or maybe I'll just stare at it, guilt-ridden, every time I open up the refrigerator to retrieve a heaping spoonful of chocolate frosting.

Focus on the soda.

12/18/08 9:42PM EST
Beverage Cam--Soda Tally
The Gazelle: 1
The Jogger: 0

Remaining beverages: 47

Anyone want to guess how long it's going to take The Gazelle The Ghost to consume all of these blasted sodas??!!

Print Friendly and PDF