Thank you all SO much for the love on yesterday's post. I'm happy to have been able to finally let you guys know. It's been like torture having to stay away from the blog because I couldn't keep my mouth shut!
I've had so many things that I wanted to blog about lately, but they all seem to relate in one way or another to pregnancy. I'm going to try not to completely BORE you with all things pregnancy-related, but the reality is that the next 7.5 months of my life are going to be kind of consumed with babies, pregnancy, and nesting. That's just how it goes. My apologies in advance.
Lately, I've been thinking a lot about food. This is no big surprise, since I generally love food anyway, but the difference between the non-pregnant food-loving-me and the pregnant food-loving-me is that pregnancy has taken my diet back to a place it hasn't been in years.
I don't talk a TON about my daily diet, but just know that I generally keep a fairly balanced diet of protein, whole-grain carbs, fruit and vegetables--with some extras sprinkled in there for good measure. For the past few years, I hadn't considered anything to be "off limits" in my diet. Or at least that's what I thought pre-pregnancy.
Here's a little chronicle of my pregnancy, in food:
Weeks 4-5--Meatballs, Meatloaf & Steak, Please: I knew I was pregnant initially because I was craving meatballs and steak. This is standard for me very early on, and I've actually had this symptom for all 4 of my pregnancies.
Weeks 5-6--Food?! I have to actually EAT...FOOD?! OK...but only if it's saltines and Easy Mac. Don't even put meat NEAR me. And you're telling me the only way I won't feel pukey is to eat every TWO hours?! This is ridiculous.
Weeks 6-7--Easy Mac Obsession in Full Effect: I was also trying to bring a few vegetables into the mix, but the only thing that really sounded appetizing vegetable-wise was raw baby carrots. On most days, I was still having to eat every 2 hours in order to feel human. Hamburger Helper was stocked in my pantry for the first time in at least 10 years.
Weeks 7-8--Bring on the Olive Garden Five-Cheese Baked Ziti! I made the mistake of going to The Olive Garden during my lunch hour one day, and the only thing that sounded remotely appetizing was this cheesy pasta dish. Now, I've been craving it, and have eaten it a handful of times in the past 3 weeks. It's difficult when everything else sounds pukey besides Five-Cheese Baked Ziti. *sigh*
Weeks 8-9--Your Pukey-ness is GONE! ...psych!!! I seriously thought I was home-free in the all-day sickness realm during this week. I was able to eat vegetables, and I even had salad twice during the week for dinner. I still couldn't really eat any meat, but I was eating plenty of nuts and beans to make up the difference. I thought I was in the clear.
Weeks 9-10--You Were WRONG! Last week brought with it my all-day sickness. Again, I resorted to my trusty Hamburger Helper (minus the hamburger), Five-Cheese Baked Ziti (damn you!), and buttered noodles. It seems that anything having to do with pasta was OK, but if I tried to add anything produced with anything other than white flour into the mix, it was a nausea party all day. I do have to admit though, I ate more peaches last week than I ever thought humanly possible. In fact...I'd still give my left ear for a peach right now. p.s...I don't even like peaches. They're hairy.
Weeks 10-11 (now)--Get Used To It, Sista! So, here we are. Almost 11 weeks. My bambino is just larger than a shriveled up prune, but somehow it's managing to cause me great intestinal strife. I had Five-Cheese Baked Ziti yesterday for approximately the 4th time in a week. On Sunday, I had Hamburger Helper (minus the hamburger) for dinner. Plain bagels with Earth Balance are the norm (p.s...I haven't had a plain bagel prior to this week in about 5 years). I've been having a problem drinking water this week because it makes me want to puke. This morning, apple juice is my water. Interestingly enough, I've eaten Gummi Savers and Sour Patch Kids...two of my most HATED candies ever. I don't even LIKE candy, actually.
What is the point in all of this play-by-play of my food aversions? Well, considering that this blog is mostly for my own 'get-this-straight-in-your-head-lady' purposes, I just want to mention that this has been difficult for me mentally. I've realized over the past 11 weeks that I still have some programmed "rules" in my mind about what I 'should' and 'shouldn't' eat.
- I shouldn't eat white bagels.
- I shouldn't eat pasta every day.
- I should eat vegetables often.
- I shouldn't request sour cream on my burrito bol at chipotle.
- I shouldn't drink juice.
- I shouldn't eat candy.
The problem with all of these rules is that I've had to ignore them because of the simple fact that if I DIDN'T eat white bagels and pasta, I wouldn't have eaten anything. I can't avoid these things that I "shouldn't" be eating. The candy can certainly be avoided, and definitely won't be a habit, but the core of my calories right now are coming from processed food and peanut butter.
I can't avoid it.
I'm just rolling with it. It's been an interesting shift of consciousness to have to believe that the things that I want to eat are actually OK to eat. I know that they're nutritionally void for the most part (besides the few bouts of carrot and peach eating thrown in the mix), but I'm just holding onto the fact that this is a temporary solution, and I'll get back to my normal eating habits soon enough.
I can promise you that if I hadn't already done the work with my eating disorder, I would probably be a basket case right now. Recovering from an eating disorder is a lifelong process. I'm not actively engaging in disordered eating of course, but it's just amazing to me that I can still be triggered at any moment by the most innocuous events. Eating a bagel seems harmless enough, right?
In the meantime, I might try to concoct a more homemade version of boxed Hamburger Helper goodness...
The good news is that I'm not feeling triggered by any of this. I'm actually kind of impressed by my ability to roll with the punches. As I said, I'm just looking at my horribly imbalanced diet as a temporary solution to my pukeyness problem.
A girl has to eat what a girl has to eat...Easy Mac included.