As I was struggling to complete my injury-ravaged marathon in 2009, the only thing that got me through to the finish line was to continue telling myself,
"Just do 5 more minutes...you can do ANYTHING for 5 more minutes."
And, when the 5 minutes was up, I'd just tell myself the same thing over again. It doesn't really make sense logically, but something about consistently reminding myself that my condition was temporary eased my mind (and kept me from curling up in the fetal position in an alley somewhere in Baltimore city).
Now, two years later (I can't believe it's already been 2 years), I'm completing a different type of marathon. It's a 9-month-long baby-growing marathon. I'm not feeling defeated by the slow expansion of my belly and body--I'm actually quite happy about the fact that after trying for so long and having so many complications, I'm finally growing a healthy baby. Maybe in reality, the "trying" part was the true marathon.
Despite my happiness, even after being 'recovered' for so long, it's still difficult to face the fact that I'm inevitably going to gain around 30 pounds between now and March. I will be heavier than I've ever been in my entire life. This isn't a new fear--even before I was pregnant, I feared gaining weight during pregnancy. Now that I'm fully invested in this whole baby-growing journey, I've accepted that it's just going to happen.
Now, as I'm steadily expanding, all I can think about is getting back in shape.
As in, being in better shape than I've ever been in. People do it all the time...they have babies, then they look hotter after the baby than they did before. My own Sista did it.
Up until the past month, all of the fitness magazines that I subscribe to have been thrown into magazine racks and stored on shelves to collect dust. As my belly expands more and more by the day, I'm pulling out more and more fitness magazines. Pouring over them, reading all of the articles, studying the recipes. As I struggled through the uncertainty of infertility, I cast my interest in fitness aside. At that time, half of me was scared that working out would jeopardize my getting and staying pregnant, and the other half of me just didn't care. I was kind of feeling defeated at the time.
I don't feel defeated anymore. I care again. I just can't do much about it right now.
So, in the meantime, I have memorized every article in the new issue of Oxygen Magazine, and I'm gearing up for a serious comeback in 6 months.
I can do anything for 6 months.
[and please remind me of this post 20 pounds from now.]